Horse:

Monkey:

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British pop phenom Lily Allen told The Sun today, “I can’t wait until Lindsay Lohan goes to jail. ‘Boo hoo hoo. I’m going to jail.’ Good.’” Now the singer—who dished about her lesbian dreams, Brazilian wax job and predicted she will be “murdered”—might also be headed to the gray bar hotel.

Allen, who cancelled her May-June U.S. tour due to exhaustion, turned herself into a central London police station. She was arrested in connection with the allegation she assaulted a photographer near a club in London’s Soho on March 13. According to published reports, Allen is alleged to have “lunged forward and hit him in the face, leaving him reeling.”

A Scotland Yard spokeswoman said: “At 9:30am yesterday, a 21-year-old woman attended a central London police station by appointment. She was arrested in connection with an allegation of assault. She has been bailed to return on a date in late July.”

Allen just performed at Glastonbury and is scheduled to appear at Diana’s Concert this weekend along with Sir Elton John, Tom Jones and Fergie. The fate of Allen’s Australian tour is now uncertain.

On an unrelated comedic note, the songstress hosted Channel 4’s The Friday Night Project, which aired tonight in the UK.

Settling a potential lawsuit with a potentially litigious photographer? Expensive.

This image of Allen dressed as nemesis Amy Winehouse in a skit on The Friday Night Project? Priceless.

Seymore Saves The World, the current project of former Tapes N Tapes bassist Shawn Neary, will be playing at Pianos tonight at 8 PM. After hearing them for the first time just a few months ago, the upbeat, cheery synth-rock band has been getting heavy rotation in my CD player (yeah, I still have a CD player). Tickets are $8.

For a free outdoor show, head down to the South Street Seaport. Ra Ra Riot will be playing one of their first shows since the death of their drummer, John Pike. Sam Champion opens.

Michael Moore’s latest muckraking documentary, Sicko, will divulge the inefficiencies and corruption that exists in American health care. So far, the film has opened to great reviews, which arise out of the Moore’s research, style, and..taste in music? It seems like Moore has been reading Pitchfork. The film is filled with tracks that have been popping up on my iPod. Here are a few:

Mogwai - Secret Pint
Gotan Project - Una Musica Brutal
Cat Stevens - Don’t Be Shy
The Rolling Stones - Street Fighter Man
Tom Morello - “I’m Alone Without You”

Jesse Metcalfe, known for his role as the lucky gardener on Desperate Housewives, has announced that he has serious plans to enter the music business. According to a recent People Magazine article, Metcalfe says “I’ve just started writing and trying to develop my sound a little bit, but it will be as a solo artist. I sing and play guitar.”

I’m not quite clear as to why Metcalfe is making this move. His career as an actor has been steadily growing over the past three years, and seems to look bright on the horizon. Last year, he starred in the semi-successful John Tucker Must Die, and will star an the upcoming flick, Loaded. Unless this guy can truly sing/songwrite, I’d suggest he stick to his day job.

After performing to a 75,000 person crowd on Wednesday night in Mount Union, PA, Relient K and their entourage boarded their tour bus en route to Illinois. While heading down the Pennsylvania Turnpike, the vehicle’s engine caught on fire, which initially went unnoticed by the driver. Relient K’s lead singer, Matt Thiessen, was the first to notice the fire, and quickly pulled a Paul Revere. Once the band members and crew evacuated, the flames spread to the rest of the 12-bunk tour bus and destroyed everything inside of it. Although nobody suffered injuries from the accident, Thiessen’s laptop, which contained over 100 unfinished songs, was not recovered.

Aw, 100 Relient K songs that we’re never going to get to hear? What a tragedy. Am I being sarcastic? I don’t even know anymore.

• Pitchfork announced set times for their sold out music festival.

• Could Prince be a secret live performer for Live Earth?

• 50 Cent was caught lip-syncing during his BET performance.

• Best Week Ever has the ten most anti-climactic band reunions of all time.

• MacOrPC.org has a new rap video that aims to answer a nerd’s biggest question.

photo by Jim

New York has some of the greatest street talent in America. If you walk through the Grand Central subway stop on any weekday morning, you’ll hear the same deep voiced hobo showing off his opera skills. Stroll through Union Square on any sunny afternoon, and you’ll see a group of break dancers spinning on their heads to Michael Jackson songs. Walk through Times Square at night, and you’ll see talented drummers perform impressive solos on make-shift drum sets built from buckets and pans. Here’s video of one of those drummers:

Kicking it BK-style tonite? Here’s a few bands worth checking out if ye be in the mood for a show.

A local favorite of mine, LIC’s Death of Fashion headline at Park Slope’s exquisite Southpaw club. Croony vocals, bouncy beats, absolutely twisted guitar work and an A+ rhythm section. Good looking fellows, and very nice too. They share the mighty Southpaw stage with Eric Gaffney (one of the less irritating aspects of Sebadoh), and a belligerent surf unit called Sh-sh-sh-shark attack. Pretty d-d-d-dorky, but if you like the name, you’ll like the band (and i do). Eight big ones for this one.

In spite of the hippy implications of its title, Circus of Enlightenment, by the inimitable Vic Thrill + the Saturn Missile is an early candidate for best local release of 2007. Tonight, they take the stage at Brooklyn’s quirky Lucky Cat (the former Stinger Club, if you remember that completely debauched place) for the last night of their epic three-month residency. Vic Thrill is one of the most imaginative (and energetic) performers in Brooklyn, an unrivaled story teller, and generally completely fearless. His oddball crew of the Saturn Missile on guitar and VJ BAM, on the delux keytar-triggered light system, are no slouches themselves. Check out “Brevvia Buzz Storm” to get an idea where Vic Thrill is coming from. This is the sort of thing you moved to Brooklyn for. $5 gets you in the door, and $5 also gets you possibly the worst whiskey-n-beer special in the whole city. Unless you like Bohemia and Cap’n Grandad Whiskey or whatever it’s called.

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Tonight, punk legends Joan Jett and the Blackhearts will be playing a free concert at Pier 54 on the Hudson River (13th St and the Westside Highway) at 7 PM. Jett still loves rock and roll, as she continues to deliver her high energy songs to adoring fans.

Also, Rocky Votolato will be bringing his twangy folk rock songs to the Bowery Ballroom with Langhorne Slim and Limbeck. Doors are at 8 and tickets are $15.

Photo from Molly

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